Two months have passed?! Where does the time go?
Exactly 2 months ago I was arriving here in Lima. Full of hopes, dreams, fear, and expectations. I actually didn't have alot of expectations, as far as the actual location. In the last 2 months I think I've grown as a person, but that's like announcing that grass is green. I didn't really know what to expect, from myself, my surroundings, everything. After 2 months I feel like I've already done so much. Saw a wonder of the world, went sandboarding, saw the Nazca Lines. These last few weeks have been awesome.
Academically, I feel I could be doing better. My classes aren't hard and I'm not failing or anything. But maybe that's the problem. I'm just a little unmotivated to do work here. And I'm not the only one. Alot of people in my program feel this way too. We all just want to be here absorbing the culture and making new friends with Peruvians. So what if something gets turned in a little less than done or slightly late? My professors don't expect alot from me so I do what I'm supposed to and they don't complain. Even though my classes aren't that difficult I still find them interesting. I really like my class on peruvian social reality. Not "like" in a feel good, heart warming way but in a social reality wake the hell up kind of way. My professor doesn't try to censor any of the information he gives us. And I appreciate it. This is what I need to learn. There is social unrest and injustice here. And not in the form that I thought it would be. I think I was just to naive to think that certain things like "true" (read: American) racism exists here. But it does and it's disturbing and enlightening. This is probably the class that I'll get the most out of. Definitely trying to discipline myself to read more books on my syllabus list in the next 2 months.
I don't think I'm doing this whole study abroad thing right though. I came here to learn spanish. No. I came here to speak spanish. I can learn spanish sitting in Mercy Hall at Loyola University but I came here to SPEAK spanish. So far, I don't think I'm speaking enough. Because of my stupid program, I don't get as much exposure to the language as other people. It's not a stupid program, I just didn't realize that I would have to go out of my way to speak spanish. I know that sounds extreme but because my classes are all in spanish, I don't interact with other peruvian students. I've made a few friends, through other friends, but I just don't speak as much as I thought I would. I'm developing a plan to stop being such a perfectionist and just walk up to someone and start talking. My spanish has to get better somehow...I still have a whole semester in Spain!
All in all. After 2 months everything is familiar. I'm starting to not be so scared of getting lost. I'm ready to go places. Do things. It's hard to explain. But basically, I feel like I made the right choice in coming here. I just need to squeeze the last drop out of every experience and opportunity. I'm excited to see what the next 2 months hold!
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